I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
