She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
