the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think I died a long time ago.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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