He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
