She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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