I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
