It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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