i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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