i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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