I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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