I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
