I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
