I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
