At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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