I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
