Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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