How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
