Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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