Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
