Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wish my penis had a tongue
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
