dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
