If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Duck Duck Cougar?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
