you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
