Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
