rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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