See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
