do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
