Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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