i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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