I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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