I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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