not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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