I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
