I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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