just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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