Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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