No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
