CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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