Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
