Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
