They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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