I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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