he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize