me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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