Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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