So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize