I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
