remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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