shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
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I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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