worst night to have a conscience
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
