Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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