i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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