I'm so fucking centered right now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
