there was a trapeze. enough said
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
