i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
