I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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