Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
